


Sister Margaret

by enthusiasmgirl



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Angst, Catholic Guilt, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Post-Episode: s01e08 The Defenders, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-10 21:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enthusiasmgirl/pseuds/enthusiasmgirl
Summary: "Don't leave."He was delirious. She knew this, but it still made her heart ache to hear him say it. "Don't leave me," he said again, and the nun who had been ready to take her place gave up and allowed her to sit back down."I won't Matthew," she told him, for the very first time. She wished that she meant it. She held him while he cried out in confusion and pain.





	Sister Margaret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DJClawson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJClawson/gifts).



> So this is unbeta'd and a bit rough. 
> 
> I've written on the theme of Matt's mom before, but Defenders seems poised to set that plot up for Season 3 of Daredevil, and so I have returned to it to deal with some of the aftermath of Matt waking up in that hospital bed. 
> 
> The prompt asked for some combination of Matt and his mom post-Defenders:
> 
> _"Did Jack live? (Or just live longer?) Why did Maggie not take care of Matt, as Jack clearly expected her to? What does Matt know about his mother prior to the ending of Defenders? Does he learn about her while he's hospitalized with the nuns? Did he ever mention his mother to anyone like Foggy prior to this (and if he didn't, do they think that's weird that he didn't?) How does he feel about his mother abandoning him? I would prefer if he doesn't immediately forgive her, given all of the abandonment issues he already has with father figures."_
> 
> This is not really plotty, but I just wanted to write a bit about her at the time of Jack's death and what that meant to her. It hints at the comics-canon reason she left (post-partum inspired mental illness), and I tried to make it a bit more complex than either straight forgiveness or straight hatred of her on Matt's part. The tape Margaret is listening to is borrowed from the dialogue in episode 2 of Daredevil, Cut Man, when Jack calls someone and gets their voicemail prior to getting into the ring for his last fight.
> 
> Enjoy!

  
"Vwrrrrrp Vwrrrrp", the sound of the tape rewinding again distorted the pitch of the voice in reverse, reminding Margaret of nights spent listening to The White Album in her youth. "Turn me on, dead man," the message on Revolution #9 was supposed to say. She'd never heard it then, even though she'd wanted to, had tried in vain to get the record to play backward and speak its hidden truth to her. Maybe she was hearing it now. "Turn me on, dead man." A ghost message, received too late to save anyone.

She pressed down the play button again on the tape recorder when the voice went away, waited for it speak at the intended speed and deliver the intended message.

"Hey, it's... uh... it's me," the voice on the tape, a man, said. And she slammed down the stop button, needing a moment.

Boots clicked on the floor in the hallway and the door to the sparse bedroom - only a bed, a nightstand and a tape recorder and her - creaked open. She didn't turn around to see who was visiting.

"Sister Margaret," the woman said sadly, "You mustn't do this to yourself."

"Musn't do what, Mother Superior?" Margaret asked, turning away from the machine to face the stern looking nun in the doorway. "Punish myself? Isn't that why I came here? Isn't that why we're all here?"

"No," replied the nun, entering the room and sitting down next to Margaret on the bed. "We're here to understand God's grace, my child. He works in mysterious ways. You know this. You must see this not as a punishment but a test."

"A test?" Margaret said, frustrated. "If he is testing me, then this seems a cruel way to do it, through the life of a good man, the life of an innocent  
child. They don't... didn't..." she seemed unsure of herself. "They don't deserve this. They've already been through so much."

She pressed the play button back down again before the other woman could continue.

"I'm about to go do something... well... I'm about to go be me. You know better than anybody that doesn't always go so well. I don't know how this is gonna go, but if I were a betting man..."

This time, it was the Mother who pressed stop, gently pressing her finger down on top of Margaret's poised one, then taking that hand in hers.

"You know, Sister, perhaps this is the Lord's way of telling you that it is not too late. You can go to him. You've devoted yourself so much to this life, to Him, but the vows you took were still only temporary. He knows your heart. He understands."

"It's not His understanding that I'm worried about, Mother," Margaret told her. "And you know why I can't."

The Mother Superior just sighed. "Yes, I do. Would you like us to make the necessary arrangements to ensure that he is taken in and cared for? I've already discussed it with the Sisters at St. Agnes."

"If you would. Thank you," Margaret told her. The nun left, and once again she was alone with the voice. She pressed play again.

"Matty's gonna need you," he said. "More than ever."

She pressed stop again and sobbed for everything she had lost.

* * *

 "Get away from me," Matt told her, his voice betraying his fury by being weak and whispered. He shivered with fever, and she disobeyed the order, rubbing a cloth along his chest, cleaning his many wounds. "Did you hear me? Please leave me alone," he begged, tears falling. She was unsure if they were due to the emotional or physical pain wracking his body. She kept silent.

"Are you really not going to say anything to me? After all these years? I know who you are. I don't need your help. I don't want it," he ranted.

She shushed him gently. "Matthew, I know you are angry," she told him, "but you don't have the strength for it right now. Calm yourself."

Of course, he didn't. Instead, he made moves as though he wanted to sit up, to leave. His body wouldn't allow him to, and the struggling only made him weaker.

"Please..." she begged him, but he wouldn't listen. A fellow nun put a firm hand on her shoulder and silently commanded her to leave. She didn't want to, but she knew it was for the best.

"Wait..." he said when he somehow realized she was standing up. "No, that's... don't leave."

He was delirious. She knew this, but it still made her heart ache to hear him say it. "Don't leave me," he said again, and the nun who had been ready to take her place gave up and allowed her to sit back down.

"I won't Matthew," she told him, for the very first time. She wished that she meant it. She held him while he cried out in confusion and pain.

* * *

She was still there when he woke up. She'd barely left his side. She knew that his eyes couldn't see her, but he seemed to stare at her with judgement anyway, sensing her presence.

"Will you say something?" he asked her. "Please. Anything. Can we have a conversation? Just once?"

She only stared back, unsure what she could say, what she should say. Would anything be enough? It went on long enough that she could see his frustration begin to grow again.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out before he could tell her again to leave. "That's..." she stammered as her brain caught up with her mouth. "That's not enough, and I know it doesn't mean anything. But it's true."

His mouth gaped like a fish for a moment, and she knew that he was also trying to figure out what to say. The stuttering, and the nervousness... it was something they had in common, although she had no right to find any consolation in it.

"You left us," he finally told her.

"I know," she replied.

"And then he left me. And I was alone. And you never came back," he continued.

"I wanted to," she said.

"But you didn't," he told her.

"No," she agreed. "I didn't."

"All these years," he said. "You've been here. Doing what? Praying for me? Asking Him for forgiveness for leaving? Help me understand, Maggie."

Hearing him say that name... not Sister or Mom or Margaret, but Maggie, a nickname from so long ago, like she was just another person? It stabbed her in the heart as sharply as any knife could. Made her remember the look of betrayal on Jack's face the day she had attacked him in their kitchen, illness convincing her of things that weren't true, distorting her world into a nightmare

"Is there anything I can say that will do that, Matthew?" she asked him.

He thought about it for a moment, and then slowly shook his head. "No," he told her.

She waved over another nun in the room to take her place and went to stand up.

"Wait...", she heard him say, confused. "Please. Don't leave."

He wasn't delirious now. He didn't forgive her. And he didn't understand and never would.

But he wanted her there.

She sat back down at his bedside and stroked his forehead gently, wiping a tear away as he started to cry.

Maybe she had meant it, after all. Maybe what was lost could be found again.


End file.
